WORKING TITLE

Sep 29

I am on the cusp of 32-years-old and realizing that I never learned how to take care of myself.

I don’t do dishes. And so I avoid using them.

I don’t know how to take care of myself.

I am realizing that I do not know how to take care of myself.

And the reality of my own delusion once again falls out of illusion.

And maybe now that I see that; see that for what it is; maybe I can grow.

Maybe now is when I learn.

Maybe I am allowed to let myself learn.

Maybe I am capable of learning and changing.

The pain never goes away, and that is the Grim Acceptance of this enduring process.

How do we live with the pain – and Have Hope, and Heal, and look ahead and carry on?

“Touched by the Spirit – Touched by the Flame!”

CHANGE//PAIN.

We are allowed to forgive ourselves and keep living. We just are.

If mercy is for everyone, we are certainly no exception.

If mercy is for everyone, I am certainly no exception.

Absolution.

Forgiveness given.

“Stop!

You’re Beautiful!

(Again)”

This ever-loving, ever-moving journey goes onward.

It just simply goes onward.

To act, in this moment, with hope that we may live to see the next. With honour and courage; with unrepentant authenticity and Without Fear.

I give myself permission to let myself move on.

I think that I’m really just allowed to see what’s next.

On the cusp of 32 and I always knew there was magick in this number.

And I’m lucky enough that Dad’s coming for a visit – I’m feeling really happy and lucky that Dad’s coming for a visit.

I’m not feeling badly about the mess, because, truly he’s seen worse; and because, truly, this man Forgives.

Divine timing, maybe.

I am on the cusp of 32-years-old and realizing that I am allowed to learn, finally, from my Dad.

To let things go and let things end; to grant yourself divine pardon and have hope for the possibility of the future; to learn your lessons and move on.

To Fight and to Forgive.

To stand steady in your shoes and let yourself live on, because there is simply no one else to carry this torch – We live on because we have to, and light the way with our last dampened matchstick of resolve.

September 25, 2024

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